24 December 2010
You Are Here
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| All is formless and void. | |
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| God says, "Let there be light" ... and there is light. | |
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| Adam and Even goof up. | |
| Cain has anger management issues. | |
| People lived long lives, back then. | |
| (Except for the ones who drowned.) | |
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| God calls Abraham to leave his home. | |
| Joseph is sold as a slave, but it works out well in the end. | |
| Life in Egypt turns sour. 400 years of slavery. | |
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| God appears to Moses in a burning bush. | |
| Frogs, locusts, hailstorms, flies... | |
| The Israelites cross through the Red Sea. | |
| 40 years of eating weird stuff that falls from the sky. | |
| Conquest of Canaan. Bloody, bloody business. | |
| Israel is led by judges (and a prophetess). | |
| Shamgar kills Philistines with an ox goad. | |
| Jael kills Sisera with a tent peg. | |
| Samson has a weakness for pretty women. | |
| Israel wants a king. Saul does his best. | |
| David fights lots of wars, becomes a hero. | |
| Solomon builds a temple (and a harem). | |
| The kingdom divides into Judah and Israel. | |
| Lots of kings, some better than others. | |
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| Elijah calls down fire on mount Carmel. | |
| More kings. Half-hearted attempts at reform. | |
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| Jonah gets swallowed by a big fish. | |
| Amos and Hosea try to warn Israel what's coming. | |
| Israel is conquered. Judah survives, for now. | |
| More prophets: Isaiah and Micah speak to Judah. | |
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| Judah just keeps on being unjust and idolatrous. | |
| Jeremiah tries to warn them and gets imprisoned in a well. | |
| Habakkuk and Zephaniah don't have any better luck than Jeremiah. | |
| Judah goes into captivity as well. I told you so. | |
| Three men walk through fire unharmed, joined by a fourth. | |
| Daniel spends a night with the lions. | |
| Ezekiel sees some crazy visions. | |
| Ezra and Nehemiah lead the returning exiles. | |
| A few more prophets, then a long silence... | |
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| An angel gives Mary some alarming news. | |
| Jesus is born in a stable. Shepherds celebrate. Kings freak out. | |
| A crazy guy wearing camel hair dunks folks in the Jordan river. | |
| Jesus starts befriending tax collectors and prostitutes. | |
| The blind see, the lame walk, lepers are healed, the poor rejoice. | |
| The daughter of Herodias dances well, and has John beheaded. | |
| Jesus is really starting to piss people off. | |
| He is crucified, and his followers scatter. | |
| Three days later, the women find the tomb empty. | |
| Jesus accompanies two disciples on the road to Emmaus. | |
| (He is also able, now, to pass through locked doors.) | |
| Jesus gives final instructions, then ascends to heaven. | |
| The Holy Spirit descends in tongues of fire. | |
| Saul makes it his business to kill off the church. | |
| Jesus appears to Saul, blinding him in the process. | |
| The apostles start to spread the good news farther. | |
| Saul starts preaching to non-Jewish people. | |
| (He's now known by his Greek name, Paul.) | |
| The apostles argue over the rules Gentiles must follow. | |
| Letters and stories are collected, copied, and preserved. | |
| Nearly all the original apostles die violent deaths. | |
| On the isle of Patmos, John sees even crazier visions than Ezekiel. | |
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| Lots of arguments about doctrine and Scripture. | |
| Christians more or less agree what writings to put in the Bible. | |
| The ecumenical creeds are written, to combat heresies. | |
| (New heretics keep popping up, anyways.) | |
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| The first major divisions in the church occur. | |
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| Eastern (Orthodox) Christianity splits off from Western Christianity. | |
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| Martin Luther nails some fighting words to a door. | |
| Protestantism and Catholicism split, citing irreconcilable differences. | |
| Protestants divide into a dizzying variety of denominations. | |
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| Johnathan Edwards preaches scary sermons. | |
| Finney invents altar calls as a way to recruit abolitionists. | |
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| Folks on Azusa Street start speaking languages they don't know. | |
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| You are here | |
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| Jesus comes back (finally). | |
| The dead are raised, in new and incorruptible bodies. | |
| The mess that we've made out of God's creation is repaired. | |
| There is no more death or mourning or crying or pain. | |
| (But there are trees whose leaves are for the healing of nations.) | |
| Things go on this way for a very long time... | |
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