25 April 2010
God in Twilight
The sign on the gates of the city said,
“Come you who hunger, who violently, ravenously hunger
to be right, to be better
than everyone else.
Come and be drunk with certainty
and see no other point of view.
And you will never doubt again, for there will be no shadows
in this neon-floodlit city.
And you will never question, for there always will be voices,
voices speaking answers,
sure and strident voices that know and believe.
So you will never wrestle: you will never doubt.
Only, beware the silences,
the stillness,
and the night.”
In the belly of the city,
in the concrete cavern catacombs
the shadows sometimes hide.
Down an alley seldom traveled
is a cloud that cloaks a darkness
never pierced by light or vision
and in that cloud and darkness is God.
Up in incandescent splendor
shouts a voice that never wavers:
“I will answer all your questions.
I will silence all your doubts.”
But God in twilight whispers,
“I am the question to all your answers.
I am holy. I am mystery your mind cannot contain.
You cannot know. You can only be
embraced.”
Far from that subversive silence,
in their noise and shining harmony
they are chanting creeds and preaching,
“I will fill your hearts with certainty.
I will turn your greys to black and white.
I will tell you you are right.”
But God in shadows says, “I am
not any name you make for me.
Your words are all idolatry.
Your certainty is blasphemy.
Your theology is logical, your theories systematic,
your theology is rational, but I am not.”
And the neon-shining devil declares,
“I will fix all of your problems.
Your children will be safe and good.
Your marriage will survive.”
But God in darkness beckons
to the burned out and the broken,
saying, “I am not your healing.
I am your doubt in the midst of confidence.
I am ever-present hunger amid sickening abundance.”
And the prideful voice still shouts, “I will.”
But the silence says, “I am not.”
This poem is a response to hearing one friend saying to another, “Because you’re a Muslim, you can never be certain if God will let you into heaven, but since I’m a Christian, I never have to doubt.”
I get so sick of certainty. It’s not that I don’t believe in absolute truth; it’s just that I don’t believe in our ability to know that truth with absolute certainty. Part of faith, I believe, is trusting God to know who God is, instead of trusting my own understanding. Believing that answers to all my questions exist, is faith; believing that I know all the answers, is idolatry.